Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Learning About Privacy and Priorities

Ladybug Girl has this nervous habit of biting the nails of her hands... and feet.  Sometimes her daddy would come in and catch her de-kuwatro on her bed, going at those little toes.

"Da-ddy!  Close the door, I need some PRIVACY!"

She knows about privacy.  Her ninang works for a big news channel and taught me to be conscious about privacy and to teach Ladybug Girl about body parts that only mommy, yaya and doctor can touch and see.

She now closes the door when she's on her toilet, pulls the curtain when she's in her shower, and sometimes she does this:

She's putting on her underwear inside her closet for privacy.  Cute!

A couple of weeks ago, I had her pose for a shoot for our merchandising material.  For free, of course, how could I say no?  She didn't want to remove her top at first until I promised her only mommy would see her front.

Later on though, she felt comfortable enough to play around the studio without her shirt.  I covered her up with a cardigan in front but not always since it got in the way of the shot that was needed.

You know what?  I ended up feeling bad about it, and I can't shake it off.  I feel bad that I was inconsistent.  I feel bad that I wasn't more protective.  She got sick afterwards too, and I feel bad I didn't insist for the air-conditioning to be turned off.

I feel bad that I compromised my parenting instincts.  It's not like I didn't have the power to ask for things for my daughter.  Gee, I was the client at that shoot!  Our culture is too nice sometimes that I don't want to rock the boat unnecessarily.  I worried that I would be judged for being too overprotective and demanding by the people I work with.

Well, so I am.

And it's not because I am the client.  It's because I am the mother.

I've always thought I would know when to put my daughter above work, and that would be always.  Turns out I needed a little lesson to remember.

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